Michel Deelen, the Consul General of the Netherlands in Lagos and his Nigerian wife and filmmaker, Ema Edosio-Deelen, tell NAOMI CHIMA about their marriage, cultures, living in Lagos, and other issues

How did you meet Ema, your wife?

There are different stories on how we met, but we met in 2015, at Freedom Park on Lagos Island. We had a date, but it was more like a good talk, or anyway, it was confusing. So, from there it started. Emma is a very independent woman, and that attracted me to her. She is also someone who can create something beautiful that was not there before, from the inside of your feelings and emotions.

How has it been living in Nigeria from a Dutch perspective?

You always view a place in hindsight, filtered through your own life experiences. For me, that experience has been shaped over many years in the Netherlands. So naturally, when I first looked at Lagos—or Nigeria more broadly—it was through a Dutch lens. I wouldn’t say it was scary, but it definitely felt unfamiliar. I found myself thinking— Where am I? What is this?

But the moment you start interacting with people, it becomes fascinating. Everyone has a story. Everyone is busy doing something, whether it’s hustling or something else.

From a multicultural perspective, Dutch people and Nigerians actually have some similarities. We’re both quite direct and outspoken, and like Nigerians, the Dutch are also traders. So in that sense, we share some common ground.

How do you both manage your careers without overlapping too much?

We try to keep them somewhat separate, not to mix one with the other, because the diplomacy we do in our office is mostly focused on business and trade promotion. We promote Dutch companies and investments, as well as Nigerian business investments in the Netherlands. I try to keep that separate from my private life; otherwise, it never ends.

But, do you still engage in each other’s work in some way?

Of course. Emma has great ideas on how certain things should be organised. For instance, I am a big critic of her films—“Wow, this is good. Have you thought about doing it like this? Or putting that scene there?” Not that she always listens, but we do talk about it. And of course, I’m very proud of what she does. That definitely plays a role in our relationship.

What was your first impression of Nigeria before you arrived, and how has it changed since living here?

Nigeria was the second African country I visited. As a student, I had been to Kenya. Before I came, I probably had no real idea of what to expect. When you work for the Ministry of Foreign Affairs, they just tell you, “You’re going to Nigeria.” So, you Google it, and what comes up is 419 scams and negative news. That’s what most Dutch people see—things like the death of Fela in 1997 or Ken Saro-Wiwa in 1995. But once I got here, I realised there’s so much more good than bad. It is a country trying to find its way upward, and honestly, it’s doing quite well. My impression has evolved in a very positive way.

What have you learnt from Nigerian culture that has influenced your mindset or ways of doing things?

What I’ve learnt from Nigerian culture is to just go for it. In the Netherlands, there is a lot of planning and structure. If you want something, you make a programme and start months in advance. But in Lagos, there’s this bold spirit— if you want it, go for it. Even when people ask, “Can’t they plan better?”; in the end, things get done, and they work. That’s something I’ve picked up and really respect.

What’s it like being married to a filmmaker?

It’s great being married to a filmmaker—it comes with all kinds of perks. Ema’s films travel around the world. They are shown at international film festivals on all continents. So in that sense, I’m the trailing spouse, and I’m very happy to be so. We go to festivals in New York, Paris, London, Spain, and it’s wonderful. I just sit there and watch. Wherever you see me, I’ll be in the role of the audience, and I’m fine with that. I truly enjoy being so close to the source of that creativity.

What are your most memorable experiences in Nigeria?

I have been fortunate to travel all over Nigeria, not so much as a diplomat, but as a tourist. From Sokoto to Maiduguri, the Mambila Plateau, the creeks of the Niger Delta—I’ve seen the beauty of Nigeria. I saw elephants in Yankari, I visited the Mambila Plateau, which is an amazing place. I consider myself very lucky. Nowadays, due to security concerns, people travel less or are more cautious. I remember once driving from Abuja to Agadez in Niger with some friends from the Netherlands. Probably not the smartest idea—we got stuck in the middle of the desert—but we managed. Those kinds of adventures were once possible in Nigeria. I hope they will be again. This country is incredibly beautiful.

What is your favourite Nigerian food?

One of my favourites is ogbono soup. I first tasted it while we were travelling. I asked what the ingredients were, and once I knew, I decided to give it a try. It tastes quite different from what you might expect, but I love it. Suya, moi moi, and ogbono soup are my top three. I’m not a big fan of extremely spicy food—the Dutch kitchen traditionally isn’t very spicy, though now it has become more diverse.

What would you miss the most if you ever left Nigeria?

The people. I won’t miss the frequent electricity outages or the fact that certain systems don’t always work. But, I would truly miss the people—their energy and spirit. That’s a story that needs to be told more often. It is sad that when people in Europe think of Nigeria or Africa, they often only see images of poverty. There are many charities helping poor children, and that’s important, but it shouldn’t be the only image. Nigerian society is not needy; it’s strong. It is full of people who know what they want, where they come from, and where they’re going.

What Nigerian attire do you love to wear?

I love ankara and the native-style kaftans. My wife made sure I have a good tailor who makes them for me. At the office, we wear them every Friday.

What role does spirituality play in your relationship?

Both of us are Christians. I’m Catholic; she was Protestant. But honestly, I don’t think you even need to be very religious to know what’s right and wrong, good and bad. Those values guide us.

What is your philosophy about life?

My personal philosophy is to strive for excellence in everything I do. Whatever I do, it has to be good. That’s a value we both share.

What would you like your legacy to be?

“Legacy” is a big word, but I guess I’d like to be remembered as someone who made an effort. Someone who, even in a foreign land, still sounded like a Nigerian. Over the past 14 years, my goal has been to build a bridge between the Netherlands and Nigeria. I’ve worked to foster understanding, openness, and real connection between both cultures. If people can say, “He helped us see each other more clearly,” then that would be enough for me.

What’s your daily routine like?

When I wake up, the first thing I do is turn on the TV and watch the BBC News. Then I go to work and come home for lunch. In the evenings, I try to watch the Nigerian news and stay informed. On weekends, if I’m not attending an event, I relax at home and listen to music.

How do you relieve stress?

I exercise. I jog around the crescent here, though it can get quite hot. I also have a rowing machine at home, so I use that too. And of course, the Afrikan Shrine is another great place to unwind.

When did you get married?

We got married in 2018.

We are best friends — Ema Deelen

 Tell us about your background.

I am from Isoko in Delta State. My father was an architect and my mother a lawyer. I grew up as the third child in a household with one boy and six girls. I had a wonderful childhood. My parents were very strict and placed a strong emphasis on education. My sisters are doctors. One of my younger sisters worked for the African Development Bank, another is a professor and medical doctor in the US, and one worked for the government of Canada. I’m the “straight” one. My mum never quite understood what I wanted to do. She’d say, “You want to be a cameraman?”

I studied Computer Science at Olabisi Onabanjo University, Ogun State; then film production at the Motion Picture Institute of Michigan in the United States of America. Afterwards, I earned a Master’s degree in Marketing and Digital Communications from Forma University in the United Kingdom. When I returned to Nigeria, I worked with EbonyLife TV, and as a video journalist for the BBC.

How did you meet your husband, and what drew you two close?

We were both invited to a picnic by our friends, Emeka and Timi. Michel was there, talking about diplomatic stuff in the corner. I thought he was a snob. I mean, why come to a fun picnic and talk about electricity prices?

So, I decided to mind my business and ordered shawarma. I was offering it around, and most people declined, but he took a huge bite of mine. I was annoyed because he thought I gave it to him. I snatched it back, and to make up for the incident, we agreed to have a proper date at Freedom Park. One thing led to another, and that’s where the spark began.

What lessons have you learnt from your husband over the years?

I have learnt to slow down. He always says, “Ema, it’s not that deep.” He’s so calm. As a Nigerian, when something goes wrong, you’re quick to shout “Wahala!”; but he stays calm. I am reactive, and he’s teaching me not to sweat the small stuff. Everything works out in the end.

What fun things does Michel do?

He absolutely loves music. He’s the kind of guy who will hunt down old record stores whenever we travel. While I’m shopping for clothes, he’s digging through crates of vinyl. On weekends, he’s either fixing his subwoofers or tinkering with his record player. He’s amazing with his hands. If anything breaks at home, I just say, “Michel will fix it,” because he always does.

My work can be really intense and stressful, so coming home to Michel is comforting. He’s my safe space. He’s just a dependable, amazing guy—and I love him for that.

What mostly causes misunderstandings?

Honestly, it used to be how Michel, being Dutch, handles emotions—especially anger. Dutch people can be very quiet when upset. In the early days of our marriage, I wouldn’t even know he was angry because he’d still smile. Then suddenly—boom! He’d explode. I’d be like, “What just happened?”

Eventually, I told him, “You need to voice your feelings. Don’t bottle things up—it’s dangerous.” Now, we make a conscious effort to talk everything out. I’ll even sit him down and say, “Tell me how you’re feeling. What do you want to say?”

How has your husband’s personality influenced how you handle conflict?

He is incredibly intuitive. Even when someone’s clearly trying to play him, he still wants to understand their side. Meanwhile, I want to react instantly. I’m learning from him to pause, breathe, and approach things with more empathy and patience.

Has his love for music and film influenced you?

Absolutely. Michel can talk about music for hours. He is so knowledgeable, and it has opened up a whole new world to me. Now, I can even talk about jazz.

What’s one quirky thing about his taste in film?

He actually likes bad films and music. He’ll buy the soundtrack of some obscure French director’s film—which is honestly awful—and tell you everything about it. Even if the director gave up filmmaking, Michel still finds it fascinating.

How did your parents react to you bringing a white man home?

I was the last person to get married in my family, and my dad didn’t think I’d ever marry. At that point, even if I brought home a pink man with pink hair, he would have been thrilled. When I introduced Michel, my father made him kneel and told all his friends, “This one—no returning her!” If I had brought a black man from Zimbabwe, he’d have married me off on the spot. They were just happy I found someone.

What keeps you grounded as a couple?

Communication. We talk about everything. We’re genuinely best friends. It’s just fun being with Michel. We could stay home for months and be perfectly happy.

How do you handle cultural differences?

Sometimes, I feel like when he sees me cooking, he thinks I’m boiling water and pepper in a big pot. And when I see him cooking, it’s like blended green veggies with no salt. But I’ve found Dutch people to be very open. When I visit, I don’t feel odd.

Once in the Netherlands, someone called me “Bob Marley” and it sparked a whole conversation. The society is multicultural; they’re curious and welcoming. Michel always says Nigerians are fascinating and full of love. One time, some boys shouted at him, “Whitey, show me love!” and he found it hilarious.

What does a typical weekend look like for you two?

Our weekends are quiet. Michel picks a record—jazz, opera, classical—and we discover new music together. I love staying indoors, and lately I’ve picked up sewing. I learnt from YouTube, and now it’s my new thing. I find it relaxing and creative. Sometimes, we head to the Fela Shrine or check out cultural events on Lagos Island.

What inspired your film, ‘When Nigeria Happens?’

It started after I spoke with a security guard who spoke perfect English but earned just N30,000 a month and had two children. I wondered how someone so intelligent could end up in that situation.

I wanted to show Nigeria’s strength and also explore that moment when dreams begin to fade, especially in the creative industry. We have so many talented people—amazing singers who are now bankers. My film isn’t about pity; it’s about resilience. I want young people to be prepared.

What’s the biggest misconception about Nigerian audiences?

That Nigerians only want comedy to escape their problems. That’s not true. The older generation grew up on powerful stories, such as Checkmate, Mirror in the Sun, Living in Bondage. Nigerians are forgiving and open-minded; they’ll engage with deep stories if we tell them well. We need more films that reflect society and spark conversations.

How has travelling influenced your storytelling?

Travel has shown me that stories are universal. Pain is pain—Michel and I both understand it, even though our experiences differ. I’ve learnt how to tell deeply Nigerian stories in a way that still resonates globally.

What are your thoughts on the global success of Nigerian films?

Look at K-dramas. They’re set in Korea, but the emotions translate worldwide. Nigerian cinema needs to do that—stay true to our culture, but tell our stories in a way that others can connect with. Afrobeats is a great example. Our sound, mixed globally, now resonates in Brazil and beyond. We need that kind of global fluency in film.

What upcoming projects are you excited about?

I’m directing a film about the Rwandan genocide, which is a major project. We’ve written it and hope to go into production this year or early next. I’m also working on my fourth film, ‘AzzaMan’, which gives a fresh perspective on Yahoo boys.

Describe your style.

I’m a natural, bohemian type. I love African prints, especially ankara—mainly for the colours. You’ll never catch me in a corset. I feel like it chokes me—like your chest is fighting your neck. I have had dreadlocks for 30 years, so that tells you all you need to know.

If you weren’t a filmmaker, what would you be?

I’d definitely be doing music—just like Michel.

How do you relax?

By making things with my hands. Sewing has become a passion. I find it incredibly calming.

What would you like your legacy to be?

I want to make films that stand the test of time. If future generations want to know what Nigeria was like—how we lived, loved, and struggled—I want them to find it in my work. I hope my films keep inspiring people and spark new voices in Nigerian cinema.

What’s your favourite food?

I love rice, banga, and starch. And, I really enjoy Michel’s pea soup— Erwtensoep. As a Nigerian, I let it cool into a porridge, then add stew on top. It’s delicious!